Chapter 1: I Got Your Back copyright 2015 Tiffany Bone Booksbybone

 

“I Got Your Back”

You my girl, my Ace Boon Coon, and you know I got yo’ back!

No matter what, thick or thin, you can always count on that.

Keep your head up, you’re a queen or princess if you prefer.

I’ll remind you that you’re royal, forever loyal—that’s what friends are for!

************************************************************************

The day couldn’t have been gloomier. The heavy pressure of mugginess and humidity was almost suffocating. It was as if the light was afraid to defend itself against the darkness, choosing instead to cower and scarcely shine. The atmosphere brought sadness to an already somber existence, and that was just on the inside of the building. The storm outside was brewing much like the conflicting emotions raging inside of Caitlyn as she once again absorbed her surroundings. Whoever chose this décor should be shot, she thought critiquing the impressionistic paintings of black, gray and pink shapes against gray walls. Black plastic chairs sat back to back on a rail, much like those you’d see in an airport, and just like in an airport, almost every seat was occupied. She couldn’t help but think what a sad testimony that was to today’s society, but who was she to judge? A room full of people, each with their own story—black, white, young, middle age, some with men some without. What had brought them to this point? Whatever it was, one thing she knew they all had in common was —they were on edge—partially due to their reason for being here, but mostly because they had all been sitting in this stifling climate for well over two hours as they waited for the doctors to play “catch up” after having been put behind by the bomb threat they received earlier in the evening.

****************************************************************************************************

Of all the days for a wacko to pull a prank, this one couldn’t have been worse. Not only did they have to stand outside in the rain for 45 minutes as the police searched the place, but the unexpected delay would mean that LaJarlyn couldn’t possibly see her through this and make the three pm flight to Barbados. As hard as it was for her to admit, Caitlyn wanted to be selfish and pretend not to notice the hourly chime of the clock alerting them to the passage of time. One of her biggest problems had always been that she was so self-centered, but she refused to be that way today. No one deserved happiness more than LaJarlyn, and no way in hell was she going to be the one to cause her best friend to miss her honeymoon. It was time to stop being so needy and abandon her tendency to think only of herself. Convincing herself of this, however, proved much easier than persuading LaJarlyn to leave.

“You don’t have to do this! I’ll be ok, just go!” Caitlyn pleaded with LaJarlyn, all the while realizing that arguing with her best friend was fruitless—especially in public.

“No, you’re the one who doesn’t have to do this!” LaJarlyn insisted “Please listen to reason!!! I know you’ve thought about this and Lord knows I’ve talked until I’m blue in the…”

“LaJarlyn, No! No! Just go..” Caitlyn interrupted as she lifted her right hand to massage her temple. She was trying so hard to keep her voice firm yet low, but the effort was taking a toll on her already pounding head.

“CC..” LaJarlyn began calmly, reaching out to hold her friends hand.

“Hear me out!” Caytlin said, frustration resonating in each word. Judging by LaJarlyn’s sudden flinch and the growing interest of those around them, she must have been yelling.

**************************************************************************************************

Cognizant of the escalating tension, Caitlyn attempted to make amends “God! Just look at us arguing like a couple of low class lesbian lovers or something.” She laughed.

“That’s not funny, and I’m not laughing.” LaJarlyn snapped. She couldn’t believe that this woman she had known for twenty- three years, her one friend who always seemed to have it all together, who had always been the embodiment of propriety, was behaving so irrationally.

“Maybe not, but at least now I know you can HEAR me—so please just listen!” Caitlyn snapped back. “Like I was saying, you have done enough…” she once again attempted to reason with her friend, all the while thinking if she didn’t get LJ out of there soon she would break.

“But…” LaJarlyn began.

“LISTEN TO ME!!” Caitlyn screamed as she jumped out of her seat having lost patience with the whole situation. She no longer cared who was watching and listening as she swung her head around, flipped her reddish brown hair out of her collar and grabbed LJ by the arm trying to shake some sense into her.

“I love you more than a sister and I know you mean well, but you’ve got to go! You’ve been here with me all day. It’s not your fault those feeble minded, judgmental sons of..”

“WOOOH!! WOOOH!!!… I am one of those—“ LaJarlyn adamantly proclaimed. But once again Caitlyn began shouting-

“No, you are not, and STOP INTERRUPTING ME!

“Well, excuuussseee me, your highness, for interrupting your tirade!” Obviously LaJarlyn had also had enough and had no intention of budging. She crossed her arms, and assumed the defensive position Caitlyn was so accustomed to seeing whenever their arguments had reached a standoff. LaJarlyn had this habit of always referring to Caitlyn as “your highness” whenever she was pissed. She raised her eyebrows and rolled her expressive hazel eyes, courtesy of new contact lenses,… a part of her “makeover for marriage.” LaJarlyn had really worked on her appearance in the three months leading up to her nuptials. She threw her French manicured hands up in disgust, another indication that her patience was wearing thin. The noticeable interest of the other patients and clerical staff at the clinic added fuel to an already combustible situation.

“Don’t go there—, even though we both know I’m a princess, your tone does not reflect the adoration I deserve.” Caitlyn chided in an effort to bring it down a notch. “I mean, what part of princess don’t you understand?”

In spite of  herself, LaJarlyn joined Caitlyn in a fit of giggles, eliciting even more attention from their growing spectator base. We always could make each other laugh in the worst of situations, Caitlyn thought as her mind drifted back to a happier time and place. She smiled as she recalled the way LJ always insisted on reminding her of the rabbit fur coat and hooker boots she was wearing the day they met in the sixth grade. Even then, when adolescence brought out the “mean girl” syndrome in most of their peers, she and LaJarlyn were thick as thieves. Like the time when their best friend Teia’s boyfriend Reginald decided he wanted to be Caitlyn’s boyfriend at the same time. The look on his face when LaJarlyn had us come from behind the corner near his locker after she tricked him into bragging about his “conquests” was priceless. She had this way of drawing a confession out of even the most paranoid of people, and as she told Rueben that day “you hurt one of us, you hurt us all and you ‘bout to feel our pain—cuz Bob is gonna be waitin’ for yo’ ass at the bus stop”. The four of them— Teia, LaJarlyn , Caitlin A.K.A TLC and Bob had been inseparable back then. They had been through so much since the “good ole days”. What she wouldn’t give to have some of those days back for a “do-over”. She wasn’t about to allow LJ to have regrets as a result of some misplaced sense of loyalty; no matter how badly she really wanted her to stay.

***********************************************************************************************

“Anyway…as I was saying, you’ve been here long enough.” Caitlyn continued “ I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I really do, but you’ve got to leave. If that plane starts boarding and you’re not there…Daniel will never forgive me and I’ll never forgive you or me.”

“I can’t leave you here in this—this—…this PLACE—not to do this alone! New husband or no new husband you’re my girl and you’ve always been there for me, so let me be there for you for once. I’ve loved you longer than I’ve known him anyway!” LaJarlyn exclaimed as her eyes glassed over.

Caitlyn, desperate to lighten things up and prevent an embarrassing OPRAH-like moment joked “Not so loud, girl…these folks are already looking at us all funny after that lesbian lover comment…don’t give them anything else to talk about.”

“Well if they can’t figure out we’re not lesbians, sitting here in a damn ab—well in this damn place—then their ignorant asses can believe whatever the…”

“Potty mouth!!! You know you only start cussing when you’re frustrated!! Caitlyn reprimanded—“Now please, this is really not helping!! I mean, LJ—you have everything right now.” Caitlyn pleaded, fighting back tears of her own as the realization that she was about to lose it all resurfaced. “Do you know what I’d give to trade places with you?” she asked. “I love you too, but that man loves you with a passion that I know you share, so don’t start the rest of your lives together by missing your honeymoon—not even for this!”

*************************************************************************************************

Caitlyn couldn’t help but wonder what things would have been like if she had waited for that type of passion in her life instead of settling for the security she thought she would have with John. Not that she was jealous of LaJarlyn, quite the opposite, she couldn’t have been happier. Her best friend had just landed one of the city’s most eligible bachelors and no one deserved happiness more. LaJarlyn had always been so generous and giving. She spent countless hours working for the Department of Human Services in the Child Protection Division allowing little time for herself or a social life. Thank God, those little delinquents she was so fond of kept her in court. She always seemed to end up pleading her case in front of one particular judge who just couldn’t seem to resist her arrogant nature and defensive attitude. Caitlyn played the role of matchmaker and, after months of finagling, finally got to be maid of honor for the happy couple just three short days ago. She thought it must have been fate that their initial honeymoon flight was delayed a few days due to the severe storms that had lingered in the area grounding all flights. She was thrilled that the circumstances allowed LaJarlyn to be with her as she faced her worse nightmare. But, once again, fate appeared to be laughing in her face.

“I am so happy for you, and I’d never forgive myself if you miss that plane.” Caitlyn bit back the tears that kept threatening to overflow. “You have tried to be here for me…..and I promise I understand….the doctor’s just running a little late, it’s can’t be helped. I’ll be okay” Caitlyn grabbed LaJarlyn and forced her to look into her eyes. “I need to go through this, and if I have to go through it alone, so be it. I need to get used to handling things on my own. I’m a big girl. I made my bed, I can lie in it, yadda…yadda…yadda” she insisted as LaJarlyn began shaking her head in protest. “Just go, LJ! When you get back, you can help me through this. I’ll need you more than ever then, but right now Daniel needs you more…and besides, you know yo’ ass ain’t had none since…”

*************************************************************************************************

“SHHHHH!!! Alright, alright, already, LaJarlyn laughed as she put her hand over Kaytlin’s mouth. “I’ll go—but only if you let me call Bob. Someone nee..”

“NO!!!” Caitlyn jumped up once again, but since the desk clerk looked like she might call security at any minute, she lowered her voice and sat back down. “Please, LJ, promise me—this stays between us! I’ve learned my lesson about sharing and you know how Bob is when it comes to me.” Caitlyn’s thoughts momentarily flashed on Bob’s fierce sense of protectiveness where she was concerned. “He almost got arrested when you told him how John treated me before the divorce—God knows what he would do if he knew about this!” A chill raced down her spine causing her to shiver as she recalled the hell she endured the last few months once her so-called “charmed life” was exposed for the illusion that it was. LaJarlyn had been the only other person who knew what a sham Caitlyn’s marriage was during those three years of anguish, and she didn’t even know the half of the mental abuse her friend had been subjected to while she played the role of the happy wife. She had often questioned what LJ always said about God not putting more on you than you could bear. It didn’t seem as though she would survive the latest storm season that had been raining in her life for some time now. Caitlyn realized more than ever that she would never live through this without her support group, but she also knew she wasn’t ready to reveal her latest secret to anyone else; not now—and maybe not ever! There would probably always be a part of her that felt the need to keep up appearances; she had been trained in that school of thought her entire life, from her mother’s house to her husband’s, and as they say—old habits die hard.

“LaJarlyn, I swear it would kill me if anyone else found out about this. My family has already made my life hell for destroying their image of the perfect fairy tale, and I just don’t need anyone else who claims they love me judging me and…”

“Caitlyn, no one who truly loves you will judge you. I’m not judging you, I just…”

“You did” Caitlyn murmured as she took a deep, calming breath once again shivering but this time from the sudden welcoming blast of cool air that grazed her wet skin as the thermostat finally kicked in. The “wet dog” smell that is so often present after people are rained on was momentarily blown away allowing for a break in the increasingly unbearable atmosphere of the oppressive room. “You did judge me, but I understand…” Caitlyn continued, fighting to maintain her composure by taking another calming breath “This goes against everything you believe in, hell it goes against everything I believe in. But at this point, I don’t feel I have much of a choice and I know what I’ve got to do—and what you’ve got to do right now is get out of here! Fix your make-up, get in your car, fly yo’ ass out to that airport and make Judge Daniel Hopson the third as happy as he was Friday night when you said “I do!” They both smiled beneath the tears that threatened to break them if not contained.

“But, if I leave, how will you do this? You can’t –you shouldn’t do this alone! LaJarlyn insisted “And besides that, how are you gonna get home—have you thought about that?” she asked in her trademark know it all tone of voice.

“Girl, we’re in Little Rock—they’ve got CABS ,CAT (Central Arkansas Transit) and UBER service here! And thanks to a generous divorce settlement, I can afford it all!!! Hell, truth be known, I could own a fleet of cabs AND put UBER out of business!” Caitlyn quipped, causing them both to laugh—just a little. Caitlyn once again took LJ by the hand and met her worried gaze “I’m at peace with this LJ.” She sighed “I can do this and survive until you return to pick up the pieces. You know you’ve always managed to be there when I need you most, and by the time you return from your honeymoon I’ll be ready for you to put me back together again.” She wiped the tears from her eyes “ Now get your ass to the airport. NOW! And please…. promise me you won’t say anything to anyone about this. As a matter of fact, do yourself a favor and think about nothing but how to turn that tall, dark, RICH and handsome –did I mention RICH judge of yours out! Girl I want you to represent!!! Make that boy say order in the court and mean that shit!!!”

LaJarlyn tried not to laugh as Caitlyn shoved her purse and jacket into her arms and pulled her up out of the cold pleather chair. “You Fool!!”

“Don’t hate ‘cause I got jokes and you don’t. Now you know I always get my way so why don’t you just..”

“Ms. Cannon…?” The chills returned to Caitlyn’s arms and she automatically began to rub them as she turned to face the receptionist. “Why now”, she thought?

************************************************************************************************

“I can do this, I can do this because this is the right thing to do. It’s now or never, I won’t be selfish…there is no way LJ can stay with me and still make that flight. Just ‘cause you’ve always wanted a baby and thought you could never have one doesn’t make it right to keep this one! Don’t you dare cry!! Man up! It’s about time you…” “CC….”LaJarlyn placed a hand on Caitlyn’s right shoulder snapping her out of the fog that engulfed her thoughts “Yes, I’m Ms. Cannon” she gasped.

“M’am, we apologize for the delay, but the Doctor. will be with you in just a minute, the nurse needs to go over a few things with you first. Would you come with me, please?”

“Yes, I understand…thanks…I mean…just a minute. I’ll be right there thanks.” She turned to LJ and exhaled “That’s your ticket outta here chick!…OHHH, No, don’t you even think of arguing with me or trying to wait this out” she interrupted as LJ opened her mouth in protest. “It’s too late, LJ, now go. I’ll be fine, I promise”

LaJarlyn looked from her friend to the receptionist and back again “Alright, I’ll leave. But before you do something you can’t undo—think about this” she said as she grabbed both of Caitlyn’s arms forcing her to look directly into her eyes “ 1. You don’t have to do this!…Shit! I’m not even sure you want to do this—you may never forgive yourself ‘cuz this is not you! You’re not thinking rationally!! 2. You’re wrong for not telling him. I don’t give a damn if he is engaged—hell, he knew he was engaged and for that matter ,you knew he was engaged when y’all were screwing each other’s brains out—WITHOUT protection, I might add—but that’s a different sermon and 3. No matter what you do today, it won’t change the fact that I love you. STOP THAT!!! Don’t you dare cry on me or I’ll never get out of here.—-you know you’re my girl and I got your back—just as soon as I get back.”

“I know…” Caitlyn murmured as she bit the inside of her lip to hold back the tears that threatened to overflow “but…you’ve got to…”

“No,— no not yet… one more thing—-look at me” LaJarlyn lifted Caitlyn’s chin once again forcing eye contact. The tears she saw in her best friend’s eyes cut her to the core “I saw the way he looked at you that night in the parking lot after the game. He does love you; hell that’s the only reason I’m letting the mother fucker live—and you’re a fool if you can’t see it.   I know he chose her, but you know he wouldn’t have if you were honest with him. You can still tell him before it’s too late—‘cause just like I know he loves you, you need to think about how he’s gonna feel if he ever finds out about this.”

Caitlyn pulled away from LaJarlyn, closed her eyes and inhaled the stifling air that permeated the clinic. She absently stared past LJ through the glass door at the overcast, dreary rain-filled day that so mimicked the emotions storming inside her. A strangely familiar figure sprinting past the door towards a truck left running near the sidewalk reminded her of the last time she and Jay were at Rebsaman Park. They had met there for lunch and he, late as usual, was attempting to make up for lost time by running across the parking lot to climb into her SUV. In an effort to keep from getting drenched he held the lunches over his head as he ran. Unfortunately, the Wendy’s bags he was carrying couldn’t quite stand up to the rain and one of the bags lost its bottom spilling the contents. When he climbed in the vehicle he slammed the door shouting a stream of very creative curses at the weather, the minimum wage employees at Wendy’s and anything else he could think of….. Caitlyn laughed so hard she was crying; that is until she noticed his expression which revealed that he didn’t find the situation nearly as amusing as she did. “Poor baby” she cooed “Want me to kiss it and make it better?” She remembered wiping the rain from his face and kissing him until they were both breathless; then suggesting that they get rid of the sexual tension in the air before they ate, she proceeded to unzip…. BOOM!!!!…The thunderous explosion outside followed by the blinding streak of lightning near the windows of the clinic snapped her out of her trancelike state and she solemnly responded “That’s why you can’t tell anyone—ever!! And believe me LJ; If I thought he loved me even half as much as I love him, I would have told him. But he doesn’t—if he did he never would have—“

“Never would have what?” LaJarlyn gently pried “You never did tell me what exactly happened that night…”

“It doesn’t matter—-what does matter is he doesn’t love me—I’m not his choice. And I love him enough to get out of the way and let him be happy. I have no right to ruin his life with this.” Caitlyn stammered, overcome by the ever present hollow ache that plagued her heart.

“And he had no right to ruin yours.” The attitude had returned and was emanating off LaJarlyn like the sheets of rain plying the windowpanes.

“But, don’t you see LJ, he didn’t. I never felt more alive than when I was with him—he was there for me when I needed something that no one else could give me. He made my life worth living again by making me feel worthy to be loved and I wouldn’t trade one single moment with him for anything in the world— not even now! He gave me the courage to make some much needed changes in my life, and…..and now …..” Caitlyn wanted so desperately to be able to articulate the feelings she couldn’t even comprehend herself, but the receptionist was obviously loosing patience. “Ms. Cannon, ma’am ….I hate to interrupt, but we are already way behind schedule and…”

“I’m coming…just one more minute, I’ll be right there. My friend is leaving—aren’t you?!!” Caitlyn looked back at LaJarlyn, determination written all over her face.

“Alright….alright already!!! But the way I figure it I’ve got at least ten minutes before I have to leave in order to make my flight….Are you absolutely sure this is the right thing to do…?”

“I’m sure….” she responded distantly…” and LaJarlyn….”

“Yeah?…”

“Thank you! And don’t worry about me…or this…I’m a survivor. You don’t need to worry about anything right now but relishing in the joy of spending the rest of your life with your soul mate. Now go concentrate on making him as happy as he’s made you.” She said, practically pushing LaJarlyn out into the storm. “Call me when you land” she shouted over the pounding rain as LaJarlyn lifted her jacket over her head.

LaJarlyn turned and glanced at her friend noticing once again how vulnerable, fragile and just plain lost she looked “I hate leaving you like this…” she yelled, knowing she was caught between a rock and a hard place and wishing she could do something—anything to fix this.

“Goodbye, already!!!!” Caitlyn yelled “LYLAS!!!”   She saw rather than heard LaJarlyn repeat their signature departure line as the door slammed back bringing with it rain and a welcoming blast of cool air to refresh her dampened spirit.

************************************************************************************************

There she goes and here I am, Caitlyn thought as she watched LaJarlyn jog towards the parking lot. She’s probably rushing to call Daniel right now with some elaborate tale that only he would believe. That boy is so gone!! Caitlyn couldn’t help but smile as she thought of LaJarlyn’s “way with men”….She was so thankful that her best friend had found a lifelong partner and soul-mate who could deal with the challenge of a strong black woman. They ought to make some beautiful babies too!!! She thought.

HUMPH! Babies! She had longed for a child of her own for so long that what she was about to do was unfathomable! But she decided weeks ago that bringing a baby into this world just because she wanted to wasn’t a good enough reason. A baby deserves better than me as a mother, she told herself for the hundredth time as she turned and walked past the nurse through the door being held open for her. I know I would love this child with all my heart, but how fair would it be to bring it into a world that would hate it just for existing. Babies don’t ask to be born, and it had always irked her to see people have them for their own selfish reasons; reasons such as trapping a man. If I go through with this pregnancy, so many lives will be ruined. As badly as I want a child of my own, especially his child, I don’t see how I could possibly….I can’t…I know this is the right thing to do. Hopefully God will know my heart and forgive me and…maybe… one day I’ll be able to forgive myself.   As Caitlyn continued to struggle with this internal conflict that had kept her stressed from the moment she discovered her pregnancy, the nurse observed the fleeting emotions reflected in her demeanor and on her face.

“Ms. Cannon?….Ms. Cannon?” she repeated, tapping Caitlyn on the shoulder to get her attention. “This way ma’m” she said as she led Caitlyn into a room more depressing than the waiting area, if that were possible. “The Doctor is ready, and again, please allow us to apologize for the wait.”

“No biggie—let’s just get this over with, shall we?” Caitlyn answered fighting back the sinking feeling of uncertainty that continued to plague her.

“Ma’am?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t mean to pry, but I couldn’t help but overhear you and your friend back there—and I was just wondering….are you sure you want to do this? I know it’s none of my business, but you don’t…”

“You’re right, it is none of your business” Caitlyn practically growled as she spun around to face the nurse, “and I’d thank you to try a little bit harder not to ear hustle!!—Just tell me what I need to do next and leave me alone, please” she demanded.